Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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