I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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