I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
