There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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