You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
