wat bout pragnant strippers??
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
