The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize