You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
