I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
