Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
