If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No subtext here. People are naked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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