I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
