bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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