Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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