found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
