So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think my nap took me to another dimension
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
