my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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