where am i from again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
