Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize