What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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