bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
cat food counts as protein by the way
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
