Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
