We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
