i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
