phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
