So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Terrible idea I love it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
