it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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