Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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