She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize