took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
