actually, I'm a sock model
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
