Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
