i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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