they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
