Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
