This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
