Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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