remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
