Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
