No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
