so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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