Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
