It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're too hungover to prance.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
