this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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