Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
