Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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