He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
