they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
