There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
