and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
