An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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