what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want a musical about memes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
