bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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