I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
