nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am naked and annoyed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
