I wish I could teleport
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
