DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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