You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
