I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
