dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
