Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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