lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
