Can i not drive my cunt home
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
