cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
