You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize