I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
