I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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