I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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