No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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