She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
