I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
