I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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