You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
