Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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