# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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