Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
