I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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