It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
