So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
