Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
