I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
