i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is my gift to your gina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize