Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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