I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
