i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
