After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ketchup is God's man juice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
