the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
