im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
