OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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