my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
