Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
