1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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