How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
