i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
